黎平银朝村侗族侗戏:如何在爱你却不懂你的人面前保持真实

作者：Ken  时间：2009年7月20日

I don’t know if you had a chance to see it, but Darcy left a really good question in the comments under 5 Reasons You Might as Well Be Authentic. She wanted to know how you can be authentic when the members of your own family don’t seem too excited about the idea. Here’s part of what she wrote:

我不知道你是否有机会看到它，但是Darcy在《五个做真实的自我的原因》的评论中提出了一个相当好的问题。她想知道当你的家庭成员似乎对真实的你不感兴趣时你是如何表现的。下面是她写的一部分：

I have to ask, how do you do this with your family? Because my family,well, they are not such big fans of authentic me.

我要问你是如何真实地面对你的家庭的？因为我的家人并不喜欢真实的我。

They think I need to get a job and get married and do various other things that they want me to do that mostly depend on me not being myself. Mostly at this point I just avoid them, but that solution misses the point, because then I’m not being authentic, either.

他们认为我需要一份工作，结婚，做其他各种并非真实的我要做的事情。通常这时候我会避开他们，但是这种情形忽略了一点，那就是当我这么做的时候我并不是真实的我。

Authentic me wants to have her family in her life, just not at the expense of having the life she wants.

真实的自我不想牺牲自己想要的生活，同时能按照自己的方式拥有家庭。

Got any thoughts on this one? I’m all ears.

对此你有什么想法吗？我洗耳恭听。

I actually do have some thoughts on this one, Darcy. So many, in fact, that I spent almost the entire evening trying to write a post about them, until I realized I’d have to break the whole thing down into several pieces. That’s how many thoughts I have about this one. 

我对Darcy的言论确实有些个人的见解。事实上，我有太多的想法以至于我花了整个晚上尝试写出来，直到我意识到不得不把整个事情分解成几个部分。可以说，对此我有很多想法。

You see, I’ve thought about this issue for a long time because I’ve been around for a long time and throughout all that time I’ve been what some, especially my own family, would call . . . well. . . weird.

正如你所见，我对这个问题思考了很长时间，因为我过去的很长时间都处于这种状况，特别是面对我的家人，可以说是很怪异的感受。

I’ve heard that word a lot. Weird. I’ve also heard the words odd, strange, crazy, nuts, bizarre, and occasionally dumb and stupid. And the place where I’ve heard them most is in my own home.

我曾经听到过太多次“怪异”这个词。我也听到过“奇怪”、“陌生”、“疯狂”、“让人抓狂”、“怪诞”，甚至偶尔听到“愚蠢”“笨蛋”这些词。更糟的是，其中大部分是我在家里听到的。

There are three ways you can react to such words. You can resist them, feel angry and hurt, and fight them, which is how I used to spend half my time; you can can accept them, feel ashamed, and try to change in order to win approval, which is how I used to spend the other half; or you can learn to embrace them and quietly, happily wear them like a badge of honor, which is precisely what I do today.

你可以用三种方式来应对这些评论。你可以抵抗它们，感到愤怒和受伤，甚至针锋相对，这就是我过去一半时间所做的；你也可以接受它们，感到惭愧，然后尝试改变，以获得他人的认同，这是我过去另一半时间所做的；你也可以学着像接受荣誉勋章那样平静地、兴高采烈地去接受它们，而这正是我现在所做的。

Throughout the rest of the week I’m going to share with you what I think I’ve learned about How to Be Authentic with People Who Love You But Don’t Understand You. And the funny thing is that it’s really pretty simple. Not necessarily easy, but simple.

在接下来的整个一周里我要和大家分享我从《如何在爱你却不懂你的人面前保持真实》中所学到的。有趣的是这未必容易但确实很简单。

Instead of a big list of things you need to start doing, it’s really just a a small list of three things you need to stop expecting and only one thing you need to stop doing.

接下来，并非要你做太多事情，只是关于要你停止期望的三件事和需要停止做的一件事的小清单。

Basically, you need to

你主要需要做：

1. Stop demanding that people understand you. I’ll cover this in tomorrow’s post where I’ll show you how overrated being understood really is and why it’s futile to try and squeeze it out of your family members.

第一，停止要求别人理解你。我将在明天的文章中谈到理解是如何被高估的，为何尝试强迫家人理解你是徒劳的。

2. Stop asking people to give you what you won’t give yourself. On Wednesday, I’ll write about how we often expect our friends and family to see things we can’t yet see, believe things we don’t yet believe, and to give support to things we don’t yet support ourselves. And, of course, I’ll explain why we need to stop doing this.

第二，停止要求别人做你做不到的事情。在周三，我将写到我们平常是如何要求朋友和家人看到我们还没看到的，相信我们都不相信的，甚至支持我们并不支持的东西。当然，我也会解释我们停止这样做的原因。

3. Stop asking people to give you what they don’t have to give. On Thursday, I’ll discuss how some family members simply might not have what you’re looking for and how to give up the search without giving up the relationship.

第三，停止索取并非别人必须为你付出的。在周四，我将讨论一些并不能满足你的要求的家庭是如何在不破坏家庭和谐的前提下放弃讨论的。

4. Stop robbing people of the opportunity to grow. On Friday, I’ll share the last post in this series and cover why being anything less than truthful about who you are is much like being an overprotective parent who robs their child of the chance to stretch, learn, and grow, and why you might not want to do that to your family or yourself.

第四，停止剥夺他人成长的机会。在周五我将和你分享这个系列的最后一部分，涉及到并不真实的你和那些剥夺孩子发展、学习和成长机会的溺爱孩子的家长是何等相似，以及为什么你并不想那样对你的家人和自己。

I hope you’ll be joining me throughout the week and sharing your thoughts in the comments section. Until then, why not go out and make a little meaning? See ya soon.

我希望你能在接下来的一周里加入我们，在评论部分分享你的想法。在那之前，为什么不走出不真实的自我让生活变得有意义呢？下次见。

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