芬兰音乐节视频:人际交往中不要做的十件事，交往是门很大学问

人际关系在我们的生活中是很重要的，可是，要建立正确的人际关系，却是一门很大的学问
10 Things To Stop Doing in Your Relationships
人际交往中不要做的十件事


Want to build positive relationships? Then make sure not to commit the following 10 things that disrupt relationships:
你想建立正确的人际关系吗？那么就要保证自己不要做以下十件事一面破坏你的人际关系：

Giving hurtful comments. Are you hurting others by your lack of tact? You might think that you’re being helpful, but your intentions might have hurt the other party instead. Put yourself in others’ shoes first. If it’s not a comment you appreciate hearing yourself, then perhaps it’s not something others will appreciate either.
做伤害人的评价。你是否曾经因为你的不够圆滑而伤害到别人呢？你或许会认为你的做法是有帮助的，但是你的做法最终却伤害了另一方。将心比心！如果这个一个你自己都不喜欢听到的评价，或许这同样也不是喜欢听到的评价。

Giving solutions when the person is really looking for a listening ear. Probably an understatement: A lot of times what people want is a listening ear. Deep down, people have solutions to the problems they are facing – they are just looking for someone to share their frustrations with because they have had a long and hard day. I had a friend who would always butt in with suggestions whenever I shared my frustrations. Our conversations became stifling – in the end I stopped talking about them altogether because I wasn’t getting the refuge I wanted. Be more conscious of what the other party is looking for, and adjust accordingly to fit that.
当一个人需要一个听众的时候，你却成了决策者。大概有一个保守的陈述就好：很多时候，人们需要的只是一个听众。实际上，人们已经找到解决他们遇到的难题的解决方案了，他们只是想找个人来分担一下他的挫折感，因为他们会经历一个又长又艰难的时期。我有一个朋友，当我向他述说我的挫折的时候，他总是插手问题给我建议。然后我们的交谈就会变得沉闷，最后，我就不会再找他述说问题了，因为我没办法从中得到我想要的庇护。要真正的意识到自己的另一方需要的是什么，而你只要尽量地满足他就好。

Being judgmental; Thinking you are above others. No one likes to be judged or labeled. If you are constantly judging others for what they do/say, it might be good to reflect that upon yourself.  Putting someone off doesn’t make someone a better person; it just makes him/her appear insecure. Humility is a timeless virtue that’s appreciated by everyone.
  喜欢评判事情，认为自己高高在上。没有人能喜欢被批判或者被冠上某种称号。如果你经常批判别人做的事或者说的话，那么作用在你自己身上，未必是好事。老是贬低一个人，并不会让他变得更好，只会让他越对他没有安全感。谦虚是每一个人都欣赏的美德。

Being defensive to criticism. How well do you respond to criticism? Do you become defensive and wall yourself up? Or do you graciously take it into stride and use the criticism constructively for growth? Learn to deal with critical people – it might be the most important skill you can ever acquire.
  接受不了他人的批评。如何让你面对批评的时候做出最好的反应呢？你是不是变得很有防卫心，然后把自己包起来呢？还是说你坦然地让事情过去，让那些批评建设性地让自己成长呢？学会跟爱挑毛病的人相处，这或许是你需要学会的最重要的技巧。

Telling people what to do. Most of us don’t like it when people try to boss us around. Learning to energize people and get them on board a common vision is more empowering than trying to order people around.
  喜欢命令他人。我们中的很多人都不喜欢有人老是要指挥我们去做事。学会激励他人，和他们平等地相处，比起经常命令他们做事要更令人接受得了。

Being aloof; Not being responsive. I have experienced situations where acquaintances do not respond to correspondences, possibly because they do not see them as important. Subsequently I form a very bad impression of them, and deprioritize their requests when they seek my help later on.
   自大，忽视他们的请求。我有亲身的经历就是熟人没有回复我的请求，可能是因为他们并没有把那个看得很重要。后来，他们给了我很不好的印象，当他们需要我的帮忙的时候，我会忽视他们的要求。

Thinking you know it all. The more I learn, the more I realize what I don’t know. There is a wealth of knowledge out there for us to learn. Thinking you know everything, rejecting new methods and vehemently insisting on your ways prevents you from connecting with others. Be open to trying new things.
  认为自己是无所不知的。学得越多，你会发现你不知道的东西越多。你会发现，实战使我们学到的一种知识的财富。如果你认为自己是无所不知的，你会拒绝任何新的技术，固执地坚持己见，切断自己和其他的人的联系。你要试着尝试新的东西。

Being a complainer. It’s okay to complain every once in a while, but doing it all too often puts off people. Complaining too much makes you an energy vortex – it becomes draining to be around you. People like to be around positive people, not energy vampires. If you are one, it’s not too late to change – start by focusing on positive things around you and work from there.
  变成一个爱抱怨的人。偶尔的抱怨是可以接受的，但是如果经常抱怨就会影响到其他人。经常地抱怨会把自己走进一个漩涡，它会时常地跟随着你。人们都喜欢积极向上的人，而不是那些消耗别人能量的人。如果你是一个喜欢抱怨的人，现在改变还来得及，学着发现身边积极的东西，并从中学到对自己有用的东西。

Not following up on things you agreed on. One of my pet peeves is when people don’t follow up on things they agree on (be it appointments, favors, etc). I think it makes them unreliable and leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. These are the same people that I make a note not to work with in the future.
  做不到一如既往。我最受不了的一件事就是人们没办法一如既往地坚持自己曾经坚持的信念。这样的人会让我觉得他们很靠不住，而且还会给我一个很糟糕的印象。这跟那些我做记号以后不跟他们合作的人是一样的。

Not listening. Are you present in your conversations with others? Or is your mind on something else? When conversing with someone, learn to not only listen, but listen actively. Seek out the underlying message behind what someone is saying.
  不会倾听。你是否真正地专注于你与他人的谈话呢？还是你的心是在另外的事情上呢？当你和别人交谈的时候，要学会不仅仅是听他们说，而是要积极地听他们诉说的内容。找出他们所说的话的潜在意思。