黑暗传说特殊装备清单:失去至亲并非世界末日

失去至亲是我这辈子最痛苦的经历。你永远不会明白那种痛苦直到你也有了那种经历。

Your parents have been around all your life. Through thick and thin. Men come and go. As do friends. But Dad was always there for me.

不管开心还是难过，父母总是守护在你的身边。朋友有得有失，但父亲依然在我身边。

My best friend John who lost his wife in her 40s told me two incredible things when I found out my Dad had liver cancer - say everything you have ever wanted to say, and that afterwards, your life will never be the same again. I did and he was right.

我最好的朋友John在40岁时失去了发妻，当我发现父亲患有肝癌时，他告诉我两件听起来难以置信的事情：对父亲说出所有曾经想说的话，今后你可能再也没有机会了。他是对的，而我照做了。

He passed away just before Christmas 2009. It is still like yesterday. The flurry of activity to make his last few months comfortable and even joyous and then after - a crushing void. He was my rock, my protector. We were up until then a secure family of 4 - yet without the 4th leg we fell apart.

父亲是在2009年圣诞节前去世的。一切好像发生在昨天。我突然的转变使他生命的最后几个月过得很好很开心，然后就是刹那的空虚。父亲是我的支柱，是我的保护者。四个人才是完整的家——而缺少了父亲，家已支离破碎。

Everything happens for a reason. 6 months after my father died we found out that my husband's mum was in terminal phase of cancer. It was a like reliving a nightmare but at the same time I knew I would be able to help them through my recent bereavement. It was also another sign of our common destiny.

万事自有因果。父亲去世的6个月后，我们发现我的婆婆已是癌症晚期。这就像是噩梦的重现，但同时，我知道我可以以我最近离别的经历去帮助他们。这也是我们平凡命运的另一个预兆。

Cancer is such a mysterious disease - you never know why, how long and ultimately when. My beau's mum is the most darling gentlest woman so to hear of her extreme sickness was very tough for all of us. No more medicine or chemo. Just the slow sad decline. Marie Curie helpers pop in to make things comfortable, everyone stands around trying to keep a brave face yet underneath it all you know then inevitable is hurtling towards you faster than you thought possible.

癌症总是这样神秘——你从来不知道为什么会患上，已经患病多久，什么时候会死去。我的婆婆是最亲切最优雅的女人，因此对我们来说她患了绝症的消息如同晴天霹雳。没有办法治疗，只能等待死亡。玛丽居里护工偶然到访，使一切变得舒适，每个人都站在婆婆身旁，试着保持勇敢的面孔，而面孔下的心情却是不可避免地起伏不定，变化快得连自己都不曾想到。

It is at these times that all my experiences in the spiritual lands of Australia are invaluable. I brought both my dad and my belle-mere healing crystals to cool a hot chemo ridden brow, angel cards to bring hope for the after life and a journey processer to liberate from the past.

这段时间我所有精神上的历程都是无价的。我带着父亲和婆婆的治疗水晶以冷却热化疗的痛苦（这段不太会翻译~求指正~），为今后的生活带来希望，从过去中解放自我。

The moments around a dying family member are like precious jewels. For my Dad we rallied around him day and night for four weeks in the London Clinic. It was the festive run up to Xmas and I was determined to keep his morale up. I brought a mini Xmas tree into the hospital, hung decorations on his IV drip and a found a sweet smelling gardenia that reminded him of his Greek homeland. I brought in old family photos,chirped on about our happy childhood and asked him to tell us his favourite jokes, his legacy. 

在垂死的家庭成员身边的时间犹如宝石般宝贵。对于父亲在伦敦治疗的四周内，我们日日夜夜陪伴着他。快到圣诞节时，我决定鼓舞他对抗病魔的士气。我买了一个小圣诞树带到医院，在他的输液管上挂上小饰品，那栀子花的香气令他想起他的故国希腊。我带来了旧时的家庭照，谈论着我们快乐的儿童时光，让他和我们说他最爱的笑话，他的精神力量（legacy有“遗产”的意思，但是翻译成遗产有点怪异~）。

We lived on tea and biscuits - every effort going into tending to his needs, feeding him soft boiled eggs like a baby, arranging his pillows just right and reading to him from the Telegraph. Dad as ever the Greek pater familias worried more about us than him - Were we sacrificing work meetings? Were we eating three regular meals?

我们喝着茶，吃着饼干——每一分努力都为了满足他的需要，像照顾婴儿一样喂他吃煮软的鸡蛋，调整好枕头的位置，为他读电报。父亲像其他希腊家长那样，关心我们甚于自己——我们是否放弃了工作会议？我们一日三餐有没有按时吃？

My sister, pregnant with baby Oscar, brought him much cheer with flutters of the baby beneath the bump and 4D scans of the micro bub. Even with her heavy bump she cooked all his favourite suppers and brought them in every day in vain hope that he would eat something. She arrived like a Beatrix Potter character laden with wicker baskets. I never seen so much love in a vegetable broth.

我的妹妹，怀着Oscar，孩子的胎动和照片带给父亲许多欢乐。尽管挺着大肚子，妹妹还是亲自做了所有父亲最爱吃的菜，每天带到医院，希望父亲能吃上哪怕一点。我从未在平凡的菜肴里看到那样多的爱。

The weekend before he died his long lost cousin George flew out. The years fell away and there sat my father as a young Greek man, gesticulating and cracking jokes with shining Mediterranean eyes.

父亲去世前那个周末，他许久未见的表亲George飞来看他。尽管岁月流逝，父亲仍像个年轻的希腊人那样坐着，打着手势，说着笑话，那对地中海民族的眼睛炯炯有神。

I remember clearly my mother and I sleeping in my dad's room the night before he died. He had been restless and was so happy we were all staying by his side. Mummy and I both slept in the same single bed which was no mean feat. My dad must have fully relaxed as the next day, the first day of the winter snow, he left us. It was a struggle at the end but it was peaceful.

我记得很清楚，父亲去世前那晚我和母亲睡在父亲房间。父亲变得极不安份，对我们在他身旁很是高兴。我和母亲睡在同一张单人床上，很是不易。父亲在第二天，下雪的第一天离开了我们，他一定是彻底的解脱了。这是最后的努力，但也很平静。

We felt the end was very near and a nurse came in to say that the fight could go on for several days. In one of those solemn moments of life humour helped bring levity. I said to my mum - have we peaked too soon? She dissolved into hysterical giggles. We had another similar moment at the cremation. We drew up in the herse at the crematorium and there was a men's loo at the entrance - my dad always liked to know where the gentleman's toilets were so this was all so perfectly fitting. Even though away from us his spirit was still with us.

我们认为事情应该结束时，一位护士进来说还要再坚持几日。在生命中这样严肃的时刻，任何笑话都是亵渎。我问母亲，我们是否恢复的太快？她止不住的咯咯地笑。在葬礼上出现了另一个相似的时刻。我们聚集在火葬场，而入口处有一间男厕——父亲总是希望知道男厕的位置——所以这一切都很完美。尽管父亲已经离开我们，他的精神与我们同在。

This for me is the key to getting through such time of sorrow. As the adage goes if you don't laugh you will cry. And there are alot of tears. But once the trauma of the illness has passed the memory of the person in his full glory remains. This is how one should remember them. 4 months after Dad died Oscar, my nephew was born and carries on the male Kesses lineage with his big Greek forehead and soulful eyes.

这对我来说是度过悲伤地关键。正如谚语所说，如果你不笑那便会哭泣。而我有太多泪要流。但是，一旦度过了悲伤，那记忆便会永存。这就是人们记住它们的方式。父亲过世四个月后，我的侄子Oscar出世，带着希腊式的高高的前额和神采奕奕的眼睛，延续着Kesses家族男子的血液。

My dad also left me a huge legacy - his Greek DNA. After leaving Athens at the age of 5 I never spent much time there. His departure gave birth to a longing, craving for all things Greek. I listen to Manos Hadjidakis music now, play with his Komboloi when I feel preoccupied and sleep with his Orthodox icon by my bed. I also spend time on Greek soil with the Kesses family - retracing Dad's steps at the Kafeneion in Piraeus or buying a cheese pie - tiropita - that he used to buy me for breakfast.

父亲给我留下了灿烂的遗产——他的希腊基因。在我5岁离开雅典后再也没有回去过。他的背井离乡使得他希望一切都是希腊式的。现在当我有心事，就用父亲的Komboloi播放着Manos Hadjidakis的音乐，合着那位传统偶像的音乐躺在床上。我也与Kesses家族交流希腊的故事——回顾父亲的比雷埃夫斯的点点滴滴，或者买一份芝士饼——奶酪派（希腊点心）——父亲曾买给我当早餐。

My beau and I recently got married. It was a day of love and life and our absent parents shone on us like the dappled sunlight through the trees. I danced the Greek sirtaki for my dad and nibbled on Greek mezze with my French champagne. 

丈夫和我最近结了婚。那是充满甜蜜的日子，我们已经过世的父母如树叶间洒下的斑驳阳光，温暖着我们。我为父亲跳起希腊sirtaki 舞，用希腊式的优雅品味着法国的香槟。

The hardest bit was walking down the aisle without him. I was married before and I will never forget his gentle but steadying arm. Yet I was able to do the walk alone knowing that he was by my side. As he always will be.

最困难的时刻是走过长廊，却没有父亲相随。我曾经结过婚，难以忘记父亲的优雅和坚实的臂膀。但现在我可以一个人走，我知道他在我身旁，一直都在。