鳃裂瘘:如何提高你的聆听技巧

每一次当我给我负责的那班大学生布置作业的时候，我都问他们是否有疑惑。一开始，他们都在犹豫，但一会儿之后，便陆陆续续地提出了自己的疑问。这本是一件好事，但我发现了一些让我不安的事，就是他们大多数的问题表明他们并没有真正听明白我的表述，即使他们有那么一副很积极地样子。

I realize many of us need to hear something more than once to understand and process it, and I’m not faulting my students for that. What bothers me is that in school and elsewhere, I’ve noticed most people don’t make much of an attempt to listen to others. In fact, I believe we are in the midst of a non-listening epidemic that is affecting the quality of our relationships, costing businesses thousands of dollars every year, and producing mediocre learning in our schools.

我发现我们很多人都至少需要听两遍才能理解说话者想表达的意思。当然，我并不会因此而怪责我的学生。而令我困扰的是我意识到，无论是在学校还是在其他地方，大多数人不会花太大力气去倾听他人。事实上，我认为我们被困在不聆听他人的灾难现场中，以至于影响到我们日常的人际关系，甚至于因此每年损失成百上千的英镑。在我看来，这也是我们学校有那么多成绩平庸的学生的原因。

Most of what we learn, we learn by listening. Yet research shows that most of us aren’t good listeners. In their book, Excellence in Business Communication, Thill and Bovee write, “Listening is a far more complex process than most people think. .. . most of us listen at or below a 25 percent efficiency rate, remember only about half of what’s said during a 10-minute conversation, and forget half of that within 48 hours.”

我们都是通过倾听来学习知识的。然而，研究表明：大都数的我们都不是一个好的聆听者。在他们的《卓越的商务沟通》中，辕和博维写到：“聆听是一个远比多数人想象都要复杂的一个过程……大多数人倾听他人的效率只有不到25%，而听到的信息中，人们都只记住正在进行谈话10分钟时候信息量的一半，并且会在48小时内再从已记忆的信息中遗忘50%。”

It isn’t surprising that we don’t listen effectively. First of all, most of us haven’t been taught how to do so. We learn how to read and write but not how to listen. Secondly, we juggle so many activities on the job and at home that we don’t give much thought to listening. It’s speaking that takes priority. Yet mastering listening skills is critical if we are to become good communicators.

我们聆听信息的效率低下并不是一件什么值得惊奇的事。首先，我们中的大多数人并没有被授予有效聆听他人的技巧。我们所学的只涉及在读和写的方面却非聆听方面的。此外，我们无论在工作上还是家里都会被各种各样的事物弄得晕头转向以至于我们不能分太多神去聆听他人。说永远都比聆听优先，这是一个永恒的定律。然而，如果我们想成为一个好的沟通者，驾驭聆听的技巧是非常重要的。

Cheesebro, O’Connor, and Rios write in Communication Skills, “People are fired, customers are lost, and working relationships are strained because of ineffective listening. Likewise, friendships suffer, marriages fail, and families grow apart when individuals fail to listen with genuine concern.”

奇斯布罗、奥康纳和里奥斯写的《沟通技巧》写到：“低效率的聆听很可能导致员工被解雇、商店损失客源、工作关系硬化等严重问题。相似的问题像友情破裂、离婚和家庭分裂等都会成为没有用心聆听的结果。”

The good news is you can improve your listening skills. By learning about the process and putting forth a conscious effort, you can become an effective listener.

万幸的是你可以通过学习聆听的进程和做出有意识的如何提高你的聆听技巧，这样，你也可以成为一个有效率的聆听者。

The following ten guidelines, adapted from Thill and Bovee’s book, will help you become a better listener:

根据轩辕和博维的书，只要你做到以下10点，你也会成为一个优秀的聆听者：

    Minimize both internal and external distractions. You can’t always get rid of a headache, but you can close the windows if the driver of a truck is outside revving his engine.

1、尽量减少内部和外部干扰。你不能总摆脱头痛的干扰，不过你确实可以在街边货车司机尝试启动他的引擎的时候把窗户关上。

    Adjust your listening to the situation. If you’re listening to a lecture for an exam in Biology class, you’ll want to pay closer attention than if you’re watching the local news. In the former situation, you’ll probably take notes.

2、根据你所处的环境调整你的注意力。如果你正在听一个有关生物考试的讲座，你会比单单听一个新闻更加专注。因此，在前者的处境中，你可能会随着听讲记下笔记。

    Show you’re listening by your nonverbal communication. You might nod, shake your head, or raise your eyebrows. Adjust your posture accordingly. Make eye contact.

3、用你的肢体语言表明你正在聆听。你可以选择点头、摇头、扬眉毛等根据场景来调整你的姿势来表明你正在聆听。当然，有时候聆听者和倾述者眼神的交流是有必要的。

    If you’re listening to a speech or attending a business meeting, determine the most important points and develop a method to remember them. You might repeat them mentally or even jot them down briefly.

4、如果你正在听一个演说或者参加一个重要的商业会议，你需要记住一些最重要的要点和根据自己的需要创造一个方法去记住他们。你也许需要心里不断地默念甚至简要地把他们写下来。

    When you’re listening to a friend with a problem, demonstrate empathy. Show her you understand what she is going through.

5、当你在聆听你朋友的苦恼时，你需要适当表示同情，让她明白你理解她所经历的一切。

    Realize that people don’t necessarily want you to solve their problem. They may simply want to share how they are feeling. Save advice for another time, unless you’re asked for it.

6、你最好意识到：人们其实并不指望你能解决他们的问题。他们可能仅仅只是想向你分享他们现在的感受。除非他们真的想向你询问意见，你还是把意见留给下一次吧。

    Don’t interrupt. Let the person finish what he is saying before you explain your point of view or ask questions.

7、不要中途打断别人。在你想表述你的观点或者提出疑问时，先让倾述者说完他要说的话。

    Don’t prejudge a person’s message by the way he looks. You can learn something from almost anyone.

8、不可以貌取人。要记住，三人行必有我师。

    Stay focused on the subject. It’s easy to let your mind wander, especially if the subject isn’t important to you. Train yourself to concentrate.

9、把自己的注意力集中在话题上。在聆听他人时，自己的思绪很容易游离四方，尤其在这个话题对你无足轻重的情况下。试着训练自己的注意力吧。

    Remain clearheaded, even if the topic is emotional. Perhaps someone is discussing the victories of the recent election, and you were passionate about a losing candidate. When emotions become involved, you may end up in the middle of a shouting match, which will resolve nothing. Present your points calmly. You’ll gain credibility by doing so.

10、随时保持清醒，即使这个话题十分情绪化。或者那个人正在炫耀他最近选举的成功，然而你却在为自己失去候选人资格而不开心。一旦情绪交融在谈话中，你们的谈话最终会变成一次嗓子的竞赛，那样的你们，无论双方都不可能从中获取到什么。试着平静地阐述你的观点，你会无形中变得有信服力的。

To truly listen to someone--not just to hear the words the other is saying but to pay attention to the message contained in the words--is the greatest compliment we can give another person. It means that the other is important enough to us so that we are willing to give him or her our most valuable commodity: our time.

真诚地聆听他人，当然，这里的聆听不仅仅是听倾述者说的每一个音，而是把注意他所想要在字里行间表达的意思，这样是对倾述者最大的尊敬。这意味着，那位倾述的人对我们来说重要到让我们甘愿给出我们最宝贵的东西——时间。

It isn’t always easy to listen, especially when we are preoccupied with fifteen different things that needed doing an hour ago or when we simply aren’t interested in what the other person is saying. But making the effort pays off. Listening can provide a bond of intimacy that deepens our connection to others. It can enrich our personal relationships and help us make fewer mistakes in our jobs. It can increase our learning potential. And it might even earn you a special compliment: “I really like Jane. She’s such a good listener.”

聆听确他人确实不是一件很容易的事，尤其让我们忙得七手八脚或对话题根本不感兴趣的时候。可是，这样的不容易可以用我们的努力来弥补这一切。聆听会让我们与他人变得更亲密，它能扩充我们的人际关系并让我们的工作生活少一点失误。当然，它还能无形中提高我们的学校效率呢。除此之外，这或许还能带给你这样特殊的荣耀：“我真的好喜欢简吖。她真是一个好的倾述对象。”