周一也轻松：18个超搞笑的双语笑话

http://www.sina.com.cn 2008年06月15日 11:50   新浪教育

超搞笑的英文笑话

　　Visual Training

　　The squad were having “visual training”. One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field.The party was so faraway that the men appeared as mere dots， but unhesitatinglythe recruit replied：

　　“Sixteen men and a sergeant，sir.”

　　“Right；but how do you know there's a sergeant there？”

　　“He's not doing any digging， sir.”

　　视力训练

　　班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫地回答。

　　“十六个兵外加一个中士，长官。”

　　“正确，可是你怎么知道那儿有一个中士？”

超搞笑的英文笑话

　　Accident

　　Workman：“Mr.Brown，I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages. I have just been married.”

　　Employer：“Very sorry，my dear man， but I can't helpyou. For accidents which happen to our workmen outside thefactory we are not responsible.”

　　事故

　　工人：“布朗先生，我想请您给我加一点工资。我刚刚结了婚。”

　　雇主：“非常抱歉，老兄，但是我无能为力。对工人在厂外发生的事故我们概不负责。

超搞笑的英文笑话

　　Visual Training

　　The squad were having “visual training”. One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field.The party was so faraway that the men appeared as mere dots， but unhesitatinglythe recruit replied：

　　“Sixteen men and a sergeant，sir.”

　　“Right；but how do you know there's a sergeant there？”

　　“He's not doing any digging， sir.”

　　视力训练

　　班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫地回答。

　　“十六个兵外加一个中士，长官。”

　　“正确，可是你怎么知道那儿有一个中士？”
超搞笑的英文笑话

　　In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar.

　　Mr. Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young. Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr.Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time.They drank for half an hour， and then Mr.Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson.You must always be careful not to drink too much. And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you.Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home.”

　　“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar.”

　　在英国，十八岁以下的人不准进酒吧喝酒。

　　汤普森先生以前常常去他家附近的一个酒吧喝酒，但他从来不带他的儿子汤姆去，因为他年纪太小。后来，当汤姆年满十八岁的时候，汤普森先生第一次带他去他常去的那家酒吧。他们喝了半个小时，而后，汤普森先生对他儿子说：“汤姆，现在我要告诉你一个有益的教训。你必须时时小心不要喝得太多。你怎么知道你喝够了呢？好，我来告诉你。你看见酒吧那头有两盏灯吗？当那两盏灯看起来变成四盏的时候，你就喝够了，应该回家了。

　　“可是，爸爸。”汤姆说：“在酒吧那头我只能看见一盏灯。”
An Advertisement for Modern Bicycle

　　Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost £50, so he went to the shop to have a look.

　　After examining the bicycle carefully, Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said, "There isn't a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement." "Yes, sir," answered the shopkeeper, "but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It's an extra."

　　"Not included in the price of bicycle?" Tom said angrily, "But that's not honest. If the lamp's in the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave there."

　　"Well, sir," answered the shopkeeper calmly, "there is also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, shall we supply one for you too?"

　　摩登自行车广告

　　汤姆在报纸上看到一辆很漂亮的摩登自行车的广告，标价50英镑，于是他到商店去看一看。

　　汤姆很仔细地看完那辆自行车后，转过身对店主说：“这辆自行车少了一盏灯，但在广告上的自行车是有的。”“是的，先生，”店主回答说，“但那盏灯不包括在自行车的价格里面，是另外收费的。”

　　“不包括在自行车价格里面？”汤姆很生气，“但这是不诚实的。如果灯在广告上，它就应该包括在你所标出的价格之内。”

　　“嗯，先生，”店主冷静地回答：“在我们的自行车广告上还有一个女孩，难道我们也要为您提供一个吗？”
The Day that You're Inaugurated

　　A woman and her husband were out shopping when she realized that she needed to purchase some hair color for her graying hair.

　　"When are you going to stop buying that expensive stuff," complained the husband, "and let your hair go gray like Barbara Bush?"

　　"The day that you're inaugurated," the wife replied.

　　在你宣誓就职的那天

　　一个妇人正和丈夫在外面购物，她想起来需要为自己渐渐变白的头发买一些染发剂。“你什么时候才会停止购买这些昂贵的东西，”丈夫抱怨说：“而让你的头发自然变白，就像巴巴拉布什那样呢？”

　　“在你宣誓就职的那天。”妻子回答道。
Five Hundred Times

　　In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."

　　五百遍

　　在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗？女士，我马上要实现今生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。”
To Give Up the Seat

　　Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

　　"Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy

　　"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

　　让座

　　小约翰告诉妈妈：“早上我和爸爸坐公车时，他让我给一位女士让座。”

　　“好，你做得对。”妈妈说。

　　“但是，妈妈，我那时正坐在爸爸的大腿上。”
　Go Barefoot

　　In secondary school, I was always self-conscious about my height.

　　Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear.

　　When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."

　　光着脚去

　　中学的时候，我对自己的高度非常敏感。

　　一次，一位救生员约我出去。事实上，我从未和他并肩站过，因而不知道他到底有多高。因此约会那晚，我拿出两双鞋，一双高跟，一双平跟。我安排哥哥去开门，让他和救生员比比高度，再上楼告诉我应穿哪双鞋。

　　门铃响了，我在楼上等着。哥哥跑上楼告诉了我一个不幸的消息：“你可以光着脚去约会。”
Mushroom and Toadstool

　　Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?

　　Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

　　蘑菇与毒蕈

　　年少的童子军：我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢？

　　年长的童子军：上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来，那就是蘑菇。
Birthday

　　Professor: When is your birthday?

　　Kid: May 30.

　　Professor: Which year?

　　Kid: Every year.

　　生日

　　教授：你的生日是什么时候？

　　孩子：5月30日。

　　教授：哪一年？

　　孩子：每年都是。
　I am the Driver

　　The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard.

　　"It's too crowded," they shouted. "What do you think you are?"

　　"I'm the driver," he said.

　　我是司机

　　一辆公共汽车已经相当拥挤，还有一个人想挤进来，乘客不让他上去。

　　“太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁？”

　　“我是司机。”他回答说。
　One evening，in the midst of dinner preparation，our 10 yearold daughter asked，“Mom my， what's puberty？”My wife was rushed at the moment，so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary，after which they could talk about it.

　　A few minutes later，Peggy returned.Her mother asked what the dictionary had said.“Puberty means，”announced Peggy，“the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children.”

　　“What do you think of that？” my wife asked.

　　“I'm not sure，” Peggy replied.“I've always been able to bear children.It's adults I can't bear.”

　　

青春期

　　一天晚上，在准备晚饭的时候，我们十岁的女儿问：“妈妈，什么是青春期？”我的妻子此时正忙得不亦乐乎，所以她建议佩吉到字典上查这个词，然后她们可以再讨论它。

　　几分钟以后，佩吉回来了。她妈妈问字典上怎么说。“青春期的意思是，”佩吉宣布：“一个女孩能忍受孩子①的最早年龄。”

　　“你怎么想呢？”我妻子问。

　　“我不知道，”佩吉回答。“我总能忍受孩子。让我忍受不了的是大人。”　The New Baby

　　Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.

　　Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.

　　One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor.

　　Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about？”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered.

　　“ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”

　　新生儿

　　泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。

　　帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。

　　一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。”

　　帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么？”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。”

　　“那没用，”帕特绝望地说。“他会跟我们到那儿去的。”

 
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."

　　Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"

　　谁的爸爸更强壮

　　维尔和比尔在争吵，谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。维尔说：“你知道太平洋吗？　那个坑是我爸爸挖的。”

　　比尔不屑地说：“那没什么。你知道死海吗？ 那是我爸爸打死的。”

.pb{}.pb textarea{font-size:14px; margin:10px; font-family:"宋体"; background:#FFFFEE; color:#000066}.pb_t{line-height:30px; font-size:14px; color:#000; text-align:center;}/* 分页 */.pagebox{overflow:hidden; zoom:1; font-size:12px; font-family:"宋体",sans-serif;}.pagebox span{float:left; margin-right:2px; overflow:hidden; text-align:center; background:#fff;}.pagebox span a{display:block; overflow:hidden; zoom:1; _float:left;}.pagebox span.pagebox_pre_nolink{border:1px #ddd solid; width:53px; height:21px; *height:23px; line-height:21px; text-align:center; color:#999; cursor:default;}.pagebox span.pagebox_pre{color:#3568b9; height:23px;}.pagebox span.pagebox_pre a,.pagebox span.pagebox_pre a:visited,.pagebox span.pagebox_next a,.pagebox span.pagebox_next a:visited{border:1px #9aafe5 solid; color:#3568b9; text-decoration:none; text-align:center; width:53px; cursor:pointer; height:21px; *height:23px; line-height:21px;}.pagebox span.pagebox_pre a:hover,.pagebox span.pagebox_pre a:active,.pagebox span.pagebox_next a:hover,.pagebox span.pagebox_next a:active{color:#363636; border:1px #2e6ab1 solid;}.pagebox span.pagebox_num_nonce{padding:0 8px; height:23px; line-height:23px; color:#fff; cursor:default; background:#296cb3; font-weight:bold;}.pagebox span.pagebox_num{color:#3568b9; height:23px;}.pagebox span.pagebox_num a,.pagebox span.pagebox_num a:visited{border:1px #9aafe5 solid; color:#3568b9; text-decoration:none; padding:0 8px; cursor:pointer; height:21px; *height:23px; line-height:21px;}.pagebox span.pagebox_num a:hover,.pagebox span.pagebox_num a:active{border:1px #2e6ab1 solid;color:#363636;}.pagebox span.pagebox_num_ellipsis{color:#393733; width:22px; background:none; line-height:23px;}.pagebox span.pagebox_next_nolink{border:1px #ddd solid; width:53px; height:21px; *height:23px; line-height:21px; text-align:center; color:#999; cursor:default;}Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

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　　A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she‘d like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she‘d like to have it cut into: six or twelve. “Oh, goodness, six please,” said the blonde. “I don‘t think I could ever eat twelve.”

　　六还是十二？

　　一位金发女郎走进一家比萨店，她说想要一个中比萨，店员问她希望把比萨切成六块还是十二块。“噢，天啊，请帮我切成六块。”女郎说，“我可不认为我可以吃得下十二块。”

 But the teacher cried

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"

　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

　　可是老师哭了

　　六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。

　　约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”

　　“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
My Husband Will Be Home Soon

　　A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.

　　"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

　　James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

　　"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...

　　"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

　　The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

　　The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

　　我丈夫马上就要回来了

　　一个已婚男人去拜访他的“女朋友”时，女朋友要求他剃去胡须。

　　“噢，詹姆斯，我喜欢你的胡子，但我更喜欢看到你英俊的面孔。”

　　詹姆斯回答说，“我的妻子喜欢我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否则她会杀了我的。”

　　“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一种低沉的、

        性感的声音又一次说道。

　　“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜欢这胡子。”

　　在女朋友再三请求下，他终于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡时，詹姆斯爬上了床。

　　妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道，“噢，迈克尔，你不应该在这里，我的丈夫很快就要回来了。”

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