奥巴马演讲透露五招恋爱“保鲜秘诀”

　　It doesn’t take an expert in body language to see that the firstcouple is totally into each other. And while I don’t claim to know asingle thing about their sex life, I do believe they have one, and ahealthy one at that. Actually, we don’t have to speculate too much aboutthe Obamas’ love life because they’ve already told us a lot about it ina 1996 interview with the French newspaper Le Monde entitled “AnIntimate Conversation With Michelle and Barack Obama。”

　　Why should we care about our president’s love life? Because withall the talk of rebuilding our country, our relationships could use somerebuilding too: Divorces are rampant, infidelity is out of control andsex ruts are epidemic. So perhaps our first couple can teach us a thingor two (or actually five) about how to have a successful marriage:

　 　1. Regardless of how long you’ve been together, you still need to maintain a sense of surprise.Says Barack Obama, “Sometimes, when we’re lying together, I look at herand I feel dizzy with the realization that here is another distinctperson from me, who has memories, origins, thoughts, feelings that aredifferent from my own. That tension between familiarity and mysterymeshes something strong between us. Even if one builds a life togetherbased on trust, attentiveness and mutual support, I think that’s it’simportant that a partner continues to surprise。”

　　The president couldn’t have said it better. Marriages are built on afoundation of responsibility, dependability and predictability. Butsexual attraction is based on spontaneity, unpredictability and, toObama’s point, a little mystery. Reconciling those two opposite poles —familiarity and mystery — is one of the biggest challenges a couplefaces, and it starts with cultivating a sense of newness and surprise。

　　2. Show a little tenderness. Says the presidentof the first lady, “If you look deep into her eyes, there's a certainvulnerability。” I don’t know about you, but I’ve definitely observedduring their interviews together that they do make a lot of eye contactwith each other, and I have no doubt he has spent much time looking deepinto her eyes. Non-physical intimacy outside the bedroom is key to aloving, intimate sex life, and it’s refreshing to have a first couplewho are so comfortable kissing, dancing, cuddling and holding hands。

　　3. Opposites attract. Says Obama: “Michelle’sfamily life was different, very stable, with two parents, a stay-at-homemom, a brother, a dog, that kind of thing. They’ve lived in the samehouse all their lives … a part of me was wondering what a strong,reassuring family life would look like while Michelle, in a way, wantedto break from that model。”

　　Opposites often do attract, and very often couples are drawn toeach other when they indeed come from opposite backgrounds. In many waysbecoming a couple is about our individual search for growth andbalance。

　　4. Stay friends. Says Michelle Obama, “Ourrelationship was first a friendship. It took off from there。” In along-term relationship it’s often a challenge to stay friends with yourpartner and to keep your friendship expanding. And in today’s world ofsocial networking and Facebook, we’re often so busy “friending” othersthat we lose precious opportunities to strengthen our friendship withour spouse。

　　5. Be a relationship role model. Says thepresident: “What concerns me the most are children and the way they aretreated。” Of course he’s talking about social issues facing families —poverty, education, absent parents — but it’s also important to rememberthat one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to behappy adults. And that comes down to your relationship to each other.It’s no surprise that the Obama children beam with life. They have happyparents who aren’t afraid to show their love to each other. And thatlove is contagious。

　　Hopefully the rest of us will catch on。