陶汉林贾诚打架:7条关于“管好自己的事”的建议

最近，我正在努力设法让自己减少对他人的指摘。这是一个棘手的决定，因为很难找到一个明确的可行的方法让我坚持下去。但是，我究竟要怎么作才能减少对他人的评价？我需要改变思维方式。

One of my helpful mantras, though, is to “Mind my own business.” I remind myself:

而其中一个比较有用的方法就是常常提醒自己，“管好自己的事”。

1. No one asked for my advice.

1.没有人问我的意见。

Except in the rare instance when people specifically ask me for help clearing their clutter, raising their children, or deciding their careers, I should keep my advice to myself.

很少有人会特意问我如何清理杂物、带小孩和决定之言，我只要保持自己的意见就好。

2. I don’t know the whole story.

2.我不知道有关来龙去脉

It’s very easy to assume that I understand a situation and to form a judgment when in fact, I understand almost nothing about what’s happening.

我们很容易假设自己知道现在的处境并形成了判断，但事实上，到底发生了什么我都不知道。

3. It doesn’t affect me.

3.对我没影响

A friend was all worked up about some stupid thing a celebrity did – she was really, truly annoyed. I wanted to say, “You don’t know this person, you’ve never even seen her in person. Why let yourself get so upset about something that has no possible affect on you?” And I remind myself of the same thing.

一个朋友被一个娱乐明星的所在所为感到出离愤怒——她确实真的恼火了。我想说，“你都不知道那个人，你也从来没有亲眼见过她。为什么要让自己对一些根本没有发生在你身上的事情感到激动？”我也经常这样提醒自己。

4. What makes me happy may not make you happy.

4.使我高兴的事不一定使你也高兴

It’s a Secret of Adulthood: Just because something makes me happy doesn’t mean that it will make someone else happy, and vice versa. I often fight the impulse to be a happiness bully, but what works for me might not work for someone else. I remind myself of the negative example of Thoreau: I almost can’t bear to read Thoreau’s Walden, because he’s so disdainful of other people’s tastes and values. When he writes about his own experience and views, I find his work very compelling, but he’s very judgmental and dismissive of any different vision of a happy life.

这是一个成年人的秘密：使我高兴的那点事儿不一定意味着会使其他人高兴，反之亦然。我经常要与分享快乐的冲动作斗争，但这个对我有用不一定对其他人有用。我经常以梭罗作为反面教材：我很难有兴趣去读他的《瓦尔德湖》，因为他对其他人的品味和价值观表现得很轻视。当他写关于自己的经验和视角时，我觉得他的文章是引人入胜的，但是他总是太多的牢骚，对于他人关于幸福的观点不屑一顾。

5. Don’t gossip.

5.不要八卦

6. I’m on someone else’s turf.

6.我在别人的地盘

I’m puzzled by my mother-in-law’s habit of keeping her toaster unplugged. Why — why keep the toaster unplugged? Whenever I want to challenge her to defend her unplugged-toaster position, I remind myself, “This is her apartment and her rule. Unplug the toaster.” (I have to confess, I usually forget to unplug it. But I mean to unplug it.)

我一直很疑惑为什么我的丈母娘习惯拔掉烤面包机的电源。为什么要拔掉电源呢？当我每次想要去跟她说时，我总是提醒自己，“这个是她的公寓、她的规矩。拔掉烤面包机电源。”我得承认，我常忘了这事。但我真有这意思。）

7. Find explanations in charity.

7.宽容地寻找

One of my favorite writers, Flannery O’Connor, wrote in a letter to a friend: “From 15 to 18 is an age at which one is very sensitive to the sins of others, as I know from recollections of myself. At that age you don’t look for what is hidden. It is a sign of maturity not to be scandalized and to try to find explanations in charity.”

我喜欢的作家之一，弗兰纳里·奥康纳在一封给朋友的信中写道：“15岁到18岁的年纪正是一个对他人错误敏感的年纪，这点是我从我自己的回忆里知晓的。在那个年纪，你不会去找隐藏的理由。当你不再诧异，怀着仁慈之心去努力寻找解释时，你就长大了。”

As photographer Edward Weston observed in his Daybooks, “A lifetime can well be spent correcting and improving one’s own faults without bothering about others.”

就像摄影师爱德华·韦斯顿在他日记本里观察到的，“一辈子可以慢慢地去改正一个人的习惯，而不需要去为他人烦恼。”

How about you? Do you struggle to mind your own business — or what are some other ways of trying to be less judgmental?

你呢？你是否在努力“管好自己的事”，或者还有什么其他更好的方法来减少对他人的指摘？