Forget the Dalai Lama. Forget Arunachal Pradesh. Forget Aksai Chin. The real reason the Chinese are angry with us, Beijing's real chakkar vis-a-vis India is something quite different. And i discovered what it was, many years ago, in the Punjab Club in Calcutta. Though called the Punjab Club, the establishment welcomed people of all persuasions. Indeed, the person whose guest i was hailed from UP and answered to the name of Agarwal.
忘了达赖喇嘛吧，忘了阿鲁纳恰尔邦吧，忘了阿克塞钦吧，这些都不是中国人对我们不爽的真正原因。北京对印度真正不满的是其它的一些东西。其实，很多年前，我就发现了它的真正原因，我是在加尔各答的旁遮普俱乐部那里发现的。这个俱乐部虽然被称为旁遮普（注：印度西北部城市）俱乐部，但它欢迎所有的人。招待我的人就来自北方邦，名叫阿加瓦尔。
Special Sunday lunch, said Mr Agarwal, as we heaped our plates with chicken chow mein and mixed fried rice from the buffet. However, when we got back to our table my host frowned. He snapped his fingers, summoning a waiter. Arre, Chhotu, aam ka achaar aur kachcha pyaz kahan hai? he demanded. Where's the mango pickle and raw onions? The missing items were swiftly produced. Beaming with pleasure my host ladled generous dollops of aam ka achaar first on my plate and then on his own, followed by fistfuls of kachcha pyaz. The achaar and the pyaz add a bit of taste to this stuff, no? he said, urging me to tuck in with a wave of his fork. Best Chinese food in the world, he added with relish. It's the haldi and dhaniya they put into it, he explained. And, of course, the achaar and pyaz help. Never mind the still-secret Henderson Brooks report on the Sino-Indian conflict of 1962. The real cause of war, was right there on that lunch table in the Punjab Club: chicken chow mein and mixed fried rice, with aam ka achaar and kachcha pyaz.
那天，阿加瓦尔先生说，这是一顿很特别的周日午餐，因为自助餐的盘子里都是鸡肉炒面和什锦炒饭。但我们回到餐桌时，主人皱了下眉头。他打了个响指，叫来一个侍应生。他用旁遮普语说道：“腌芒果和生洋葱呢？”这些东西很快就弄好拿来了。主人满心欢喜地舀了很多腌芒果放在我盘子里，然后给自己装了点，接下来还给我们俩抓了一把生洋葱。他一边挥舞着叉子劝我尽情地吃，一边说：“是腌芒果和生洋葱增加了这些东西的味道，不是吗？”他又津津有味地补充说，这是世界上最美味的中国菜了。他解释道，其实是因为他们在里面放了姜黄粉咖喱和香菜。当然，腌芒果和生洋葱也起了点作用。别管什么《亨德森布鲁克斯报告》（注：至今仍然保密的关于1962年中印冲突的报告）了，其实战争的真正起因，就在旁遮普俱乐部的午餐桌上：带腌芒果和生洋葱的鸡肉炒面和什锦炒饭。
The so-called 'Chinees' food served in India (as in 'Raju ka Dhaba Brekfass, Launch & Diner Chinees, Muglai, Conti') from Kashmir to Kanyakumari, from Calcutta to Coimbatore, constitutes the biggest and most damaging culinary slander ever perpetrated by one lot of people against another lot of people in the cooking pot of human civilisation. To begin with, 'chow mein' (not to mention 'fried rice') does not exist anywhere in China, either in their k在印度，从克什米尔到坎亚库马瑞，从加尔各答到哥印拜陀，都能吃到的所谓的“中国”菜，由此形成了最大最具破坏性的烹饪诽谤（造谣），这是在人类文明的饭锅中，一群人攻击另外一群人，犯下的造谣诽谤罪。最早的造谣是这样开始的：他们说，在中国的任何厨房或者字典里不存在炒面这种东东（更别说炒饭了）。给这么一堆乱糟糟的不神圣的东东（指炒面）贴上“中国的”标签，是相当地侮辱滴。而且还要混着腌芒果和生洋葱来吃，再加上点味精来调味。哎哟！你可以想象北京那些人会怎么来说这事，他们会吸口气，然后用尖刻强烈的语气说：“什么，炒饭？还加腌芒果上去？没搞错吧，我们会让你们好好瞧瞧！”然后，他们气得把潘查希拉（注：即“和平共处五项原则”）扔出窗外，然后跑去找巴基斯坦谈谈核弹事宜了。
When i moved from Calcutta to Delhi i came across an even grosser violation by India of the LAC Line of Alleged Cuisine that 在我离开加尔各答到达德里的时候，我无意中发现一件更恶劣的印度“强奸”中国菜肴的事，被称为所谓的“烹饪之线”(麦克马洪线)的一道菜肴――东北菜。没人能肯定地说东北菜是从哪来的（更要命的是，这甚至不是菜肴式东北菜），只有一点是肯定的：这道菜不是源于中国东北或者东北周边地区。有人怀疑东北菜其实是出产自一个秘密的原料实验室，用转基因的南瓜，加上从放射性骆驼粪中获得的同位素，制成的菜肴，不过，我只是听说而已。
What remains an incontrovertible fact is that Veg Manchurian is touted across the length, breadth, width, height and depth of India as not just a part 有一个事实倒是很明白无误，在印度，从东到西、从南到北、从地表到地下，东北菜不仅被吹捧为中国菜的一部分，还被奉为中国菜和发源于东方中央王国的4000多年的文明的极致。唐朝、宋朝、明朝、天朝，凡是能说得出来的，统统可以归结为一点，非常简洁的，油炸帕克拉：东北菜。
（译注：pakora，帕克拉，是印度油炸小吃，用各种蔬菜切成小块，裹上面粉放油里炸制而成。）
That's the gauntlet that India has flung at the feet of China. And that is what Chinese chakkars are all about. That's what's behind Chinese incursions in Ladakh. And that's what lurks behind the rocket silos of Lop Nor aimed at New Delhi.
这就是印度挑衅中国的方式，这就是中国对印度不爽的原因，这就是中国入侵拉达卡地区背后的原因，这就是罗布尔火箭炮筒瞄准新德里背后潜伏的原因。
Let 'em come. India has not just a credible but an incredible deterrent. In the form of what else? Veg Manchurian. Not to forget the aam-ka-achaar and the kachcha pyaz.
让他们放马过来吧。印度有着可靠并且相当吓人的威慑力量。会是什么形式的东东呢？是东北菜！别忘了我们还有腌芒果和生洋葱。
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网民评论翻译:BrandonS says: December 16,2009 at 10:52 PM ISTGreat post , You really hit the mark with this, I just don't understand why people quite get it. I'm not for sure how many people I've talked to about this very thing in the past few days, and they just don't grasp it. Never the less, Excellent post!真是精彩的文章。一语道破天机。我只是不明白为什么大家都领会得如此好。我不知道这几天里跟多少人谈论这个事情。他们就是不明白。绝对棒的文章！─────────────────────────────── Sudhir Dikshit says: October 01,2009 at 08:30 AM ISTNo true veggie Bangalorean will miss Gobi Manchurian as starters. Go around all the "darshini"s in Bangalore and you will find people hogging after Gobi Manchurian. The only connection it has with China is perhaps Gobi desert! Hilarious piece, Jug Suraiya, you are in the best of your form. Keep writing.班加罗尔的素食主义者是不会错过把“戈壁东北菜”作为开胃菜的。在班加罗尔任何一家“达西尼”餐馆，你都会看到人们在吃“戈壁东北菜”。它和中国唯一的联系大概就是戈壁沙漠了！写得很欢乐，写得很好！继续努力。─────────────────────────────── Tithi Ray says: September 30,2009 at 03:22 PM ISTHilarious...this is the simple reason why i keep reverting back to your blogs. My mood swings for better always.Keep writing dis kinda stuff.真欢乐。这就是为什么不断回复你博客的原因。看了以后心情总是能变得更好。请继续写这样的文章吧。─────────────────────────────── Shyamal Ray says: September 29,2009 at 08:38 PM ISTJug has been brilliant since Junior Statesman days! Please do not exclude Tangra Type Chinese Food. This one has been promoted in Toronto by the expatriate Chinese from Calcutta. So 'Chinese Food' is not an exclusive monopoly of the Chinese from mainland China!从当上初级议员开始Jug就一直很有才！请不要忘了唐格拉风味的中国菜。这种菜已经由从加尔各答移居到多伦多的中国人发扬光大了。因此，“中国菜”并不是来自中国大陆的中国人的专利。（译注：Tangra，唐格拉是印度加尔各答的一个地名。）─────────────────────────────── ritesht says: September 29,2009 at 08:18 PM ISTHi Jug, Good article on Chinese food. Good post :) Jug，你好。这篇关于中国菜的文章写的很好。─────────────────────────────── Anil Shukla says: September 28,2009 at 09:01 AM ISTJug, like old wine, you only seem to be getting better with age! How about exploring the Italian connection to Indian cuisine through the "pizza" link?Jug，你就像酒一样，越久越醇！通过“披萨”来发掘下意大利菜和印度菜之间的联系怎么样？─────────────────────────────── L.L says: September 25,2009 at 06:10 PM ISTYou should try the chinees bhel we get outside our college,there is nothing chinees about it except the looks of the vendor.你应该尝尝我们学校外面的中国菜。除了店主的样貌以外没什么跟中国有关系。─────────────────────────────── Sarfaraz Siddiqui says: September 25,2009 at 05:09 PM ISTbrilliant as ever...but sir...being a post graduate student of Mandarin in jnu,I could not help but notice a tiny little mistake..that is..chow mien DOES exist in china.It literally means "fried noodles" and is eaten with relish in the northern part of china. There's no denying that India and China are two of the world's biggest soft powers,encroaching upon other cultures with their own rich cultural heritage,be it culinary or spiritual.Fusion of the two sounds like fun,but then,the satisfaction we Indians get in tearing apart the chicken with our bare hands can never be attained with chopsticks. 一如既往地有才，但是作者先生，作为一个汉语专业毕业生我不得不指出一处小错误。“炒面”在中国的确是存在的。字面意思是“用油炒的面条”。在中国的北方很受欢迎。不可否认印度和中国是世界上最具软实力的两个国家，利用自身丰富的文化遗产深刻地影响着其他文化，包括烹饪和精神方面。印中两国文化的交融听起来很有趣，但是我们印度人用手撕开鸡肉获得的满足感是用筷子永远无法体会到的。 ─────────────────────────────── varun says: September 25,2009 at 04:56 PM ISTAnd what about the lehsun-waali Shezwaan Chutney? And the Chicken-65 being served at Irani Cafes? (It could originally have been Chicken-62, to tell the Chinese that the next time you defeat us, you have another chaalu dish being named after you.) Your and Swaminathan's articles were the only reasons I persisted with TOI for so many years...but then, the otherwise mediocrity of the newspaper got to me. Thankfully, most of the stuff is now available online....and I can read you again. (The ReCapatcha thing at the bottom has a Math question to fill. Is that to avoid politicos commenting on your blog?) 那鸡肉酸辣酱呢怎么样？伊朗餐馆里的“鸡肉65”呢？（本来应该是“鸡肉62”的。听好，中国人，下次你们打败我们的话，你们就有另外一个以你们命名的chaalu菜了。）你和Swanminathan的文章曾经是我多年来一直关注《印度时报》的唯一理由。但是后来，我开始阅读其他的平庸报纸。谢天谢地，现在绝大多数东西可以在网上看到，我又可以读到你的文章了。（回复的时候需要填写个数学问题的答案，是为了防止政客评论你的博客吗？）─────────────────────────────── prithviraj says: September 25,2009 at 04:13 PM ISTDear Mr Suraiya,,,,After a long time had a good laugh.If there was a nobel prize for Humour,you should have got it......please keep writing such good articles.Hats off to you and TOI亲爱的Suraiya先生，很久没这么畅快地笑过了。如果有诺贝尔幽默奖的话，你应该得一个的。请继续写这样的好文章吧。向你和《印度时报》致敬。─────────────────────────────── sopory says: September 25,2009 at 03:36 PM ISTThats not it, we have gobi and paneer manchurina, sure chinese would not know what paneer is? then we have beijing chicek, shanghai chicken, hunan chicken, hongkong chicken...man o man , all the cities they could think of.. the diff is only the colour, it is either bright red,dull black, dull red, greenish red不是这样的，我们有“戈壁东北菜”和“印度奶酪东北菜”，中国人肯定不知道印度奶酪是什么样的。我们还有北京鸡肉、上海鸡肉、湖南鸡肉、香港鸡肉…噢，他们能想到的城市都有。不同之处只在于鸡肉的颜色，可能是亮红色的、暗黑色的、暗红色的、红中带绿的。─────────────────────────────── Gourav Gupta says: September 25,2009 at 03:09 PM ISTI almost fell from the chair while reading...Keep writing in !!我差点笑得从椅子上掉下去。请继续写吧！─────────────────────────────── Anand says: September 25,2009 at 02:15 PM ISTvelly funny..infact if you go to mysore all around you there are more "gopi manchoori" stalls than idli/vada stalls..gopi manchuri is the official dish of mysore..move over mysore masala dosa非常有意思。实际上如果你去迈索尔转转的话，你会发现那里卖“戈壁东北菜”的小摊比卖“黑绿豆炸饼”的小摊还要多。“戈壁东北菜”是迈索尔的官方菜肴，把迈索尔香饼都比下去了。（译注：迈索尔，印度地名）─────────────────────────────── vinod kumar bansal says: September 25,2009 at 01:00 PM ISTgreat hilarious article.Have you heard of different variety of chinese dosas. Available at outside rly station vashi new mumbai and those are great dish and.the catere is minting moneyBoth South Indian and Chinese will suicide seeing the variants非常欢乐的文章。你听说过中国饼有很多不同的种类吗？在新孟买的火车站外面有卖这些饼。那里的餐饮业就是印钞厂。南方印度人和中国人看到种类如此丰富的饼的话自杀的心都有了。
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