贵州夜郎古镇在哪里:别去纠结于别人的看法

你是否因为在意别人对自己的看法而曾经改变过自己想法，背对自己的承诺，放弃自己的梦想?

I’m betting that you’re a kind, thoughtful person. You want to make the people around you happy, and – naturally enough – you want them to think well of you.

我相信你是个善良，有思想的人。你想让身边的人都感觉快乐，自然地，你也希望他们对你有良好的评价。

There’s nothing wrong with that: it’s part of emotional intelligence, and it’s a good thing.

这没有什么不对的。作为情商的一部，这是个好事！

But it can go too far.

但物极必反。

If you’re constantly worried about what friends, family, colleagues or even strangers in the street might think, then you’re using up a huge amount of energy worrying (and you’re probably holding yourself back from your real goals).

若你老是担心朋友、家人、同事、甚至走在街上的陌生人怎么想，那么你将花太多精力来担心（这样可能让自己远离了自己真正

This is a tough habit to get out of – but the below steps should help.

这是个很难戒除的习惯，但以下的方式可能有帮助

Step #1: Ask Yourself What Matters to You

第一步：问自己什么对你重要

I sometimes worry what people will think of my clothes, or my hair. The thing is, though, physical appearance really isn’t that important to me. Sure, I like to look presentable – but I’ve got virtually zero interest in fashion, and I don’t generally wear makeup.

我时常担心人们会在意我的服饰，我的发型。然后事实是外表对我来说，不是那么重要。当然，我也喜欢看着漂亮，但我对时尚真是完全不感冒，也经常不化妆。

It’s okay to have different values from the people around you. Maybe you hate cooking, even though your mom thinks you should be preparing a meal from scratch every night. Maybe you can’t stand the gym, even though your best friend works out every day.

你身边的人有不同的价值观，这是很正常的事情。也许你讨厌下厨，即使你母亲认为每天晚上你应该亲手准备晚餐的。也许你不喜欢健身，但是你的朋友每天为此精疲力竭

Be clear and honest with yourself about what really matters to you. Sure, other people might judge you for not meeting up to their standards – but if you’re true to your own goals and values, then you know you’ve got your priorities right.

清晰坦然问自己：什么是最重要的。其他肯定会通过他们的标准来评判你，但是如果你知晓自己的目标和价值观，那么你也会意识到自己也有优先权。

Step #2: Remember That They’re Not All Watching You

第二步：记住并非所有的人都在看你

When I was a teen, I was bullied at school – and even now I find myself worrying that other people are looking at me, maybe even laughing behind my back.

我十岁的时候，在学校被人欺负了。到现在我仍然还担心其他人正看着我，甚至在背后取笑我

The truth is, though, I’m not the centre of the world – and neither are you! Most of the people around you are far too busy going about their own lives to think much about you.

然而，事实上我不是世界的中心，而你也不是。大部分你身边的人都在忙自己的生活，根本无暇顾忌你太多。

Maybe you think you said something really dumb at that party, or maybe you’re convinced that the zit on your nose is so obvious, or that everyone’s talking about that mistake you made last week … the truth is, they probably haven’t even noticed whatever it is that you’re worrying about.

也许你认为你自己曾在晚会上说过一些愚蠢的话，或你坚信自己鼻子上的青春痘很明显，或认为每个人还在讨论你上周犯的错。实际上人们都没有注意到任何你的担心的问题。

Step #3: Recognize That Their Opinion Can’t Hurt You

第三步：认识到他们的观点不能伤害你。

So – you’re clear about what really matters and you know that you’re not the centre of attention. Still, there’ll be cases where people make a judgment about you. Maybe it’s at work, or when you’re with friends, or just when you’re out and about.

那么，你对自己重要的事情已经清楚了，也明白自己不是世界的中心。尽管如此，还是会有人们对你的评价。也许是在上班时，或当你和朋友时，亦或者当你出去的

In most situations, people’s opinions can’t hurt you. Sure, that mouthy kid down the road might yell something rude about your haircut, but there’s no way his opinion can affect your life (unless you let it).

多数情况下，人们的观点不能伤害到你的。当然，满口大话的孩子们可能会对你的发型说些不好听的话，但他的观点会影响你的生活，这是不可能的（除非你自己让它这么做——）

There are a few cases where opinions will make a difference – for instance, your boss’s opinion of you – but are you worrying about the people who matter in your life, or the ones who really don’t?

只有很少的观点会对你的生活产生真正不同的影响，比如：你的老板对你的看法。但，你是在意那些对你生命重要的人，还是那些过客呢？

You could spend your whole life trying to make strangers and casual acquaintances think good things about you (maybe by spending hours doing your hair every single time you set foot outside your house, or by paying for an expensive car that you can’t really afford). The people who really matter, though, your family and friends, are going to love you for who you are.

你可能花上自己的一生来让那些陌生人和随便的熟人来提高对自己的看法（每次出门前，花上几个小时打理自己的头发，或买一辆自己更不无法支付的车）。而对你重要的人——家人、朋友，喜欢的是真实的你

Step #4: Accept That You Can’t Control What People Think

第四步：接受你不能控制别人的想法

If you’re a bit of a control-freak like me, this is a tough one – but you can’t control people’s thoughts. You’ve got no idea what might go through their head, or why.

如果你像我一样有点轻微的控制狂，那这就是个很难办的问题。但是你不能控制别人的想法，你完全不知道什么样的点子会在他的脑子里面产生，以及为什么是这样？

Different people respond in very different ways. Maybe your friend is really impressed when he sees someone wearing a flashy watch – but you think that person shouldn’t splash money around. Other people will think all sorts of things about you, and their thoughts will say more about them than they do about you.

不同的人都不同的反应方式。可能你的朋友们看到他人带着的华丽手表而印象深刻，但你却认为他不该为此乱花钱。其他人会对你产生各种各样的想法，但他们的思想会更多关注他们自己而不是你。

Other people’s thoughts – good, bad or indifferent – are their own. Enjoy your own life to the full; you can’t please everyone all of the time, and there’s no need to try to. Next time you’re worrying about what someone might think of you, ask yourself can their thoughts really affect me? … and get on with whatever you want to do.

他人的想法，好、坏或中立都是他们自己的。要欣赏自己丰满的生活。如果你不能对别人的看法释怀，那么也没有必要逼着自己做。下次当你当心他人对你的评价的时候，问问自己他们的想法会影响我么？.............................然后继续自己想干的事情