黄河玛瑙石原石图片:为何负面的生活教训如此有价值

译｜和艾

当我们在寻求改善生活的方法时，通常我们都会关注哪些? 是不是会去关注那些可以让我们的现实生活变得更积极的方向? 通常，我们都会去寻找更棒的幸福体验，创造更多的休闲时光，或是提升我们的成功水平。

Regardless of the area we focus on, the intent is usually to make some degree of positive improvement, to notch things up to the next level. While this is a very important part of personal development, it is really less than fifty percent of the big picture. Why do I say that? Because in reality, the greater part of personal development comes from learning…

无论关注哪些方面，我们通常是想去做些积极的改善，为了使一切都提升一个层面。虽然，这是个人发展的一个重要部分，但是却回答对了一半还不到。为什么我这么说呢? 因为实际上，个人发展的更重要的部分是来源于教训……

Negative life lessons

负面的生活教训

I know, it sounds strange and even a bit counter productive. After all, why would we want to focus on the negative side if our goal is personal development? But, what do I mean by “negative life lessons”?

这听起来有些奇怪，甚至有些消极。如果我们的目标是为了个人发展，究竟为什么需要关注负面部分呢? 我所提到的“负面生活教训”又指什么呢? 

Simply stated, a negative life lesson is when we learn what not to do. Maybe you are wondering: “How does learning what not to do help with my personal development?” To answer that question, let’s consider a few real life situations.

简而言之，“负面生活教训”是指当我们知道不去做什么。也许你会疑惑：“知道不做什么怎么帮助我们个人发展呢?”为了回答这个问题，让我们来思考一些真实的生活状况。

It starts when we are children

在童年时我们就开始学习“不做什么”

Most parents teach their young children not to play in the street. In this case, teaching them what not to do could easily mean the difference between life and death. All the positive things that child learns will be meaningless if he runs out in front of a car.

大部分父母会教育他们的小孩不要在街上玩耍。在这种情形下，教育他们“不要做什么”简直就是意味着生与死的差别。如果孩子发生了车祸，他所学会的一切积极的事物将失去意义。

Later, when the child’s awareness has grown, he will learn not to go into the street without looking both ways. So, even though his perception has grown and changed, learning what not to do is still a vital part of his personal development.

后来，当孩子长大些，在没有观望马路两边的时候，他将不会到马路上去。虽然孩子的知觉已经成长，且发生了变化，“知道不去做什么”仍然是他个人发展中至关重要的部分。

You can’t move forward while losing ground

当我们失去原则的时候，将无法前行

Essentially, negative life lessons are designed to keep us from losing ground in our personal growth and development. In the illustration above, the value is obvious. It involves life itself. In other situations, the benefits of a negative life lesson may be more subtle.

本质上，负面的生活教训是为了帮助我们在个人成长和发展中避免失去原则。在以上的事例中，它的价值很明显。它包含着生活本身。在其他情况下，负面生活教训的好处也许更微妙些。

Sometimes we learn how to avoid physical or emotional pain. Or, we might learn that certain approaches waste time and resources. Successful relationships belong to those who figure out what not to do, and thus avoid needlessly hurting the feeling of the other person.

有时候我们知道如何去避免身体或者感情上的疼痛。抑或，我们可能知道特定的方式会浪费时间和资源。成功的两性关系属于那些知道什么不该做的人，因此避免了对他人情感上没有必要的伤害。

It doesn’t matter whether we are talking about raising children, building a business, or nurturing a meaningful relationship. Learning what not to do is an important key to success. Making progress in any of these areas means avoiding the things that undermine our positive efforts.

无论我们是否在讨论养育孩子，经营商业，或在培养一段有意义的关系，“知道什么不该做“是成功的重要因素。在这些方面有所进展意味着避免那些削弱我们积极努力的事。

Shortcut the process for quicker results

成功的捷径

Just as we can learn valuable new techniques and skills from those with previous experience, we should also learn from the mistakes of others. Look around at the abilities of the people you know. Some of them can probably serve as perfect examples of what not to do.

正如我们可以从过去的经历中学习有价值的新的技巧，同样也可以从别人的错误中学习。看看周围你认识的有才智的人们，他们中的某些人也许可以成为“不做什么”的完美榜样。

By analyzing why the efforts of others fail to produce good results, you can save yourself a bunch of time and energy. Whether it’s a dysfunctional family, a failing business, or poor health, there is always something you can learn. They’ve just shown you what not to do, and that is extremely valuable.

通过分析别人付出的努力为什么没能带来好的结果，你可以节省大量的时间和精力。无论这是不完整的家庭，失败的事业，或是糟糕的健康状况，总有我们可以学习的东西。他们只是告诉你“不该去做什么”，这确实十分有价值。

All life lessons are positive

所有生活中的教训是积极的

I used the term “negative life lessons” only because they are the opposite of those life lessons designed to produce forward momentum. In reality, all life lessons are positive if we apply what we learn. Thomas Edison discovered 10,000 ways not to make a light bulb before he finally figured it out. What can we learn from his example?

我用“负面生活教训”这个措辞只是因为这和让我们正面动量的生活教训截然相反。实际上，如果我们运用我们所学的，那么生活中的教训都是积极的。爱迪生在成功发明电灯之前尝试了10000种方式。我们可以从他的例子中学到什么呢?

Figuring out what works is often a process of elimination. By identifying and eliminating the thoughts, emotions, and actions that are not productive, we move ever closer to our desired outcome. You can apply this to specific goals, or your life in general. Avoiding what doesn’t work is at the foundation of all success.

“理解什么行之有效”经常是一个清除的过程。当确认和清除了那些无效的思想，情绪和行为，我们离所向往的目标更近了一步。你可以在具体的目标上运用，也可以在整体的生活中运用。避免那些不奏效的事是所有成功的基础。

A positive view of negative life lessons

对负面生活教训的乐观看法

Realizing the incredible value of learning what not to do should have a profound effect on our attitude. Every time we discover what doesn’t work, we move closer to solving a problem, overcoming an obstacle, or making a personal breakthrough. Every life lesson we learn, negative or positive, is a personal development treasure.

当你意识到“学会不去做什么”的不可思议的价值，这可能对你的态度有一个至深的影响。每当我们发现那些不奏效的事，我们离解决问题、克服障碍、个人突破就会更近了一步。每一个我们学到的生活教训，无论其正面抑或负面，都对我们的个人发展弥足珍贵。

So, the next time your efforts don’t produce the exact result you were hoping for, take a moment to analyze the value of what you have just learned. Think of all the time and effort you will save because of that lesson. Consider how much more effective your future efforts will be. Now, aren’t you grateful for all those wonderful, negative life lessons?

所以，当下一次你付出的努力没能产生你所期望的效果时，花一些时间去想一下你刚学到的教训中的价值。想一下你从此教训中学到的可以省去的所有时间和精力。也请想一下你未来的努力将会变得多么有的放矢。现在，你还不感谢这些美妙的负面生活教训吗?