陌上烟雨是什么意思:北京外国语大学著名教授熊德輗先生为你亲改英语作文

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北京外国语大学著名教授熊德輗先生为你亲改英语作文熊德輗

【专题名称】中学外语教与学
【专 题 号】G381
【复印期号】2005年08期
【作者简介】作者单位:北京外国语大学


        北京五中顾曼兮同学的原文
    My father is a man who regards my studies as important as his undertaking(1).He hoped that I could be developed to be an all-round and outstanding person of ability,for this reason,he always spends a lot of time training me(2).
    In order to prove that I had talent in all kinds of subjects,my dad had me attend to various schools(3)with distinguishing feature such as accordion school,English school,Chinese calligraphy school and so on,which was prepared for young children on weekends.When I was a pupil in primary school,I had already been occupied with different kinds of extra classes on weekends and so had been my father(4).
    On Saturday morning,my father rode a bike to send me to Beijing Children’s Palace,a place which was famous for Children’s extra training,to learn English.He,like most of the students’ parent,sat down in the back of our classroom quietly.Every time I managed to answer the English questions which oth ers failed to,I always turned round to smile to my dad,however,he,on purpose,turned his face to another side as if he said:“It was not worth showing off,your teacher had already taught you,you should know.”
    But in the afternoon,the Olympic Math Class suddenly(5)made me feel dejected.Till(6)now,the condition during the Math class still remained clearly in my mind:I looked at the dark ground because I was afraid to be questioned by the teacher if I raised my head(7).I tried my best to understand what the teacher talked about,but I didn’t succeed.Gradually,I was unwilling to study Olympic Math,for it was much more difficult than we learnt in the school.Once,I cautiously uttered that I didn’t like going to the Olympic Math School and suggested that I should give it up(8),waiting for my father’s response.“Other students may have the same difficulty like you.They can persist,why cannot you?”Hearing my words,my father said firmly,“It is impossible to learn anything without hitch.We can learn it together so that I can help you.”From then on,I saw him read my Math material and textbook every night to get ready for the questions asked by me.After a few years,when I won the first price in the Math competition,when I benefited greatly from my study in Olympic Math School,I could have a taste of the happiness after the difficulties.I really thank my father.It was he who encouraged me to face the difficulties and helped me(9).
    After attending to high school,I was too tired to fall asleep at night because we always had too much homework to do.One night,I was not sleepy at all though it had already been two o’clock.Thinking of that I would get up early to go to school the next day,I felt very fidgety.I went into my parents’ bedroom and vented my grievances to my dad who was still working before computer.He stopped immediately then thought carefully for a while.A tape picked up,he gave it to me,said:“I give my guarantee that you can get easier to fall asleel(10)if you listen to it.”To my surprise,it was an English tape which I used to practice my English listening ability.“The English tape turns out to be useful when I wants to sleep.”I thought(11).
    A week passing(12),as I was happy that I could sleep well under the help of the tape,my dad looked very worried because he found that I tended to be sleepy when I listened to English.“I don’t think the idea is a good one.”he said,“If you go on like this,you will fall behind in English listening ability.”“But I couldn’t sleep without it.”I said.On the other day(13),he came home in high spirits,with two Japanese listening tapes in his hand.While I am worried that he supposed me to learn(14)Japanese,he said:“The Japanese tape can get you sleep much easier than the English one,I hope.You do well to try this one.”
    Being the only one child in my family,I always neglect the love(15)from my father and my mother,instead,I often complain how strict they are towards me as most of age-mate does.Like the majority of the contemporary parents who only have one child in China,my parents care me too much.In this October,I will be a 17 girl,I hope my parents can believe me and give me a chance to choose the thing l like,after all,my future road need myself to walk down.
        经熊教授修改的文章
    My father is a man who regards my studies as important as his own work.He hoped that I could be developed into an outstanding all-round person.For this he always spends a lot of time on me.
    In order to prove that I had talent in all kinds of subjects,he would take me on his bike to Beijing Children’s Palace every Saturday morning to attend weekend classes such as accordion class,English class,Chinese calligraphy class and so on.Like most parents he would sit quietly at the back of the classroom.Every time I managed to answer an English question,which others failed to,I always turned round to smile to him.However he would turn his head away on purpose,as if to say:“It’s nothing worth showing off.Your teacher has already taught you,so you should know.”
    But the afternoon Olympic Math class always made me dejected.Even today the unpleasant feeling still remains clearly in my mind.I never dared to look up because I was afraid to be questioned by the teacher.I tried my best to understand what the teacher was talking about,but I didn’t succeed.Gradually I lost confidence and once I cautiously suggested giving up the Olympic Math class.On hearing this,my father said firmly:“Other children may have the same difficulty like you.They can persist.Why can’t you?It is impossible to learn anything without great efforts.We can learn it together so that I can help you.”From then on I saw him read my math material and textbook every night to be prepared to answer questions I might ask.A few years later when I won a first prize in a Math competition,I had a taste of happiness for achievement after overcoming difficulties,I realized what I owe to my father.
    After entering senior middle school,I often felt too tired to fall asleep at night because we always had too much homework to do.One night I couldn’t fall asleep though it was already past two o’clock.Thinking that I would have to get up early to go to school the next day,I felt very fidgety.I went into my parents’ bedroom and vented my grievances on my dad who was still working before a computer.He stopped immediately then thought carefully for a while.Then he carefully picked up a tape and gave it to me,saying:“I give my guarantee that you’ll find it easier to fall asleep if you listen to this.”To my surprise,it was an English tape with which I used to practice my English listening ability.
    A week passed and I was happy that I could sleep well with the help of the tape.My dad looked very worried because he found I tended to be sleepy when I listened to English.“I don’t think the idea is a good one,”he said.“If you go on like this,you’ll fall behind in your English listening ability.“But I couldn’t sleep without it.”I said.Then one day he came home in high spirits with two Japanese listening tapes.For a moment I was worried that he wanted me to learn Japanese,but he said:“The Japanese tape can get you to sleep much easier than the English one,I hope.You’ll do well to try this one.”
    Being the only child in my family,I always take the love from my father and mother for granted.In fact I often complain how strict they are with me,but like the majority of one-child parents in China,they care too much for me.This October I will be seventeen and I hope they will have enough belief in me to give me a chance to choose the thing I like to do.After all,my future road is for me to walk along.
        总评:
    这是一篇极有代表性的文章。它涉及到由独生子女而产生的一些普遍问题,如望子成龙,为此而给孩子带来的负担和压力,孩子想有自己的意愿等等。但作者并没有明确讨论这些问题,而是着重描写父亲对自己的关心和爱护,只是在字里行间透露出对过分的要求,对过分的压力有所不满,而在文章的最后作者表达了希望父母能让自己走自己所选择的道路的愿望。整篇文章没有说教,没讲大道理,而是人情味很浓,不乏幽默,是一篇好文章,也没有太多重大语法结构错误,只是文字不够简练、通顺。具体修改如下:
    (1)undertaking这个词太大,对普通人来说用work就可以了。
    (2)表达太啰嗦,应简化。
    (3)school太大,平常补习班用class就行了。
    (4)还是太啰嗦,可去掉就去掉,该简化就简化。
    (5)用suddenly不恰当。你的感觉不是突然来时。
    (6)till用的不对.因为till now不包括现在。even now才包括现在。
    (7)有了never raised my head就不需要说I looked at the ground.
    (8)又是太啰嗦!有了I cautiously suggested giving up the Olympic Math class就够了,其他很多句子都可省去。
    (9)因为有重复,还是需要简化。
    (10)you can get easier to fall asleep从语法上讲是不通的,只能说you will find it easier to fall asleep.
    (11)是一句毫无必要的句子。
    (12)说A week passing是语法结构错误。这里应该用独立的句子:A week passed.
    (13)On the other day是中式英语,为什么不简简单单说one day?
    (14)不能说to suppose someone to do something,只能说to want someone to do something.
    (15)这里动词neglect意思不明确。从文章内容看,并没有爱得不够的意思,而是注意得不够,所以应该是I always take the love from my father and mother for granted.^